Hysterically Funny Failures: 16 News Headlines for the Win

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Extra! Extra! Read all about it! From the newsboys of decades past to the headlines of tabloids, we thrive on news of current events, local happenings and the juiciest celebrity gossip.  In fact, in a world of perpetual news feed updates and endless gossip, it’s nice to sit back and relax with a cup of coffee and the morning paper on occasion, don’t you agree? At least the newspaper doesn’t tweet or ding, beep or buzz with an update in the wee morning hours!

Despite the majority of news updates coming through smartphones and tablets, newspapers are still being printed and read (we know it’s hard to imagine!). But, where online media has the edge on instant updates, once the newspaper ink is dry, it’s forever printed as yesterday’s news delivered today. With editing at the touch of a button for online news outlets, newspapers have a hard way to go as one error can wreak havoc on an entire story. Don’t believe us? Take a look at these 16 hysterically funny failures of news headlines!

Say it Again Please

1

Testing one, two, three. Did you hear that? Bugs flying around with wings are flying bugs, didn’t you know? While we can’t quite figure out why in the world flying bugs have even made the newspaper, this headline is less than newsworthy. Perhaps a follow up to last week’s lady bug epidemic, this story of a bug’s life is far from creative! What’s up for tomorrow’s headline? Newborn baby calf cow is just a baby?

Irony at its Finest

2

“Going, going gone!” is a common theme when it comes to taxpayer money and government spending. In fact, that seems to be the theme here with a county spending taxpayer dollars to announce that they are, in fact, broke! With a headline as comical and confusing as this, it’s no wonder taxpayers are always angry. Wouldn’t you be too if the government wasted your money just to announce they’re poorer than poor and downright broke?

I Agree

5

“Enrollment at girls’ school reaches drastic lows” is probably tomorrow’s newspaper headline after this shocker was printed!  Can you imagine the phone calls, text messages and emails to the newspaper and the school itself? From outraged parents to embarrassed school staff, this newsworthy and hysterically funny headline is one for the yearbook! We just hope that the journalist wasn’t an alumni– otherwise, it wouldn’t say much for her English teacher!

I Wonder Why?

6

Unlike what you see on television, dead people don’t talk. They don’t walk like zombies nor do they whisper secrets or wake up from long naps to devour human flesh. In fact, if any of that happens, we’re pretty sure you need a break from The Walking Dead marathon. Reading this newspaper headline might just be boringly obvious enough to remove the jeepers’ creepers from your imagination because homicide victims aren’t zombies and they sure aren’t any help when it comes to talking to the police!

Simply Brilliant

7

In a perpetual game of hide-and-seek for this missing person, this journalist obviously sought and found the most obvious headline of all! Of course the woman is lost if she’s missing and can’t be found! Why else would she still be missing? We sure hope this journalist isn’t helping on the search as his obvious remarks could stand more hiding and less printing!

Rain, rain go Away

8

Rain, rain go away; come again another day or, perhaps you won’t come at all! This weather report is about as helpful as a pocket on a t-shirt – well-intended but fairly pointless, if you ask us! Of course the weather depends on where you live! This weatherman should stick with a 50% chance of clouds and rain, which is a safe bet no matter where you are! Either way, pack an umbrella because between the journalist and the weatherman, who in the heck knows what’s in store for the weather near you!

They got it Right this Time

9

You’ve seen the signs: $10 Palm Reading, $5 Psychic Evaluation. These seem like great deals, right? Especially if it means predicting a beautiful future of happiness and love. Truth be told, we wouldn’t pay a dime for a psychic reading simply because of this hilarious news headline (that, and gypsy psychics give us the creeps!). Of course it’s easy to predict yesterday’s events; guess what, we made it to today so the world didn’t end yesterday! With these psychics as the laughingstock of the town, we can’t imagine anyone lining up for those $5 deals!

Yeah, Nothing to Worry About

10

Obviously this writer missed the lesson in Journalism 101 on how not to cause widespread panic! With a killer headline, the basic components of an old murder mystery are complete with arsenic and water spreading through the city’s pipes and into the homes of families. Though far from a murder mystery, it sure seems like this headline could’ve been phrased differently to avoid the chaos and confusion! Then again, if anyone asks, the butler did it!

The City is unsure of Many Things

11

Welcome to the smelliest city in the world! In a town that boasts its odor, the city is obviously of little help in making the town smell cleaner. In fact, this newspaper headline openly admits that the city doesn’t have a clue as to why the sewer smells! If that’s the case, we think we’d rather live in a town upwind or out of the state altogether! Nice smelling ya, South Haven!

Kudos to the Writer

12

Guess what? Before you die, you’re actually still alive! Our hats are off to this writer who caused a media frenzy with this blatantly honest and intriguing headline surrounding the tragic death of Princess Diana. Of course Princess Diana was alive before she died but, the media went wild as they attempted to make yet another scandal from tragedy when they caught the first glimpse of this headline and photo.

Please Don’t Get it Wrong

13

Say this headline out loud without giggling, smirking or smiling. Can you do it? Obviously, the journalist didn’t make an attempt to perfect his headline or perhaps he has a hilariously dirty mind! From this little old lady’s uncontainable excitement over sports to the editor’s real wisecrack joke on the journalist himself, this headline is one of the most obvious and funniest on our list!

So Doctors work in Hospitals?

14

“Animal hospitals resort to hiring vets and give up on Mr. Ed helping his furry friends” seems just about as believable as this news headline! If you’re a resident in this town, you might question your last hospital visit. Did you see a real doctor? Despite referring to the hospital shortage, it’s easy to imagine the confusion that this headline caused! Who else would the hospital hire? Vets? Bankers? Elvis impersonators? Either way, we guess laughter truly is the best medicine!

New Findings Eh?

15

Did you know that thin is in? With so much emphasis on looks, no wonder people are starving themselves to shed a few pounds. Of course, thanks to this headline for stating the obvious, starvation isn’t healthy! Remember Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen and their starvation diet? If the skeleton look is in, we’re out and the same goes for this blatantly obvious headline as it is definitely lacking the meat of the story!

That’s Shocking

16

We raided the refrigerator last night and, guess what? We found food! Does that shock you anymore than this headline? What else would agents find in a gun store other than weapons? Books? Yarn? Knitting needles? Ice cream? Of course, despite the blatantly obvious headline, we can’t help but wonder about the owner who seems to have a liking for those stainless steel cuff bracelets!

Duh?

17

Hello, Captain Obvious! What else would cause earthquake damage than the trembling of the earth? Isn’t that what an earthquake is? We’re fairly certain this journalist is lacking in the creativity department and might need to revisit the Basics of Headline Writing. Stay tuned for tomorrow’s earth-shattering headline: “Most Flood Damage is caused by Water”.

It does Pack a Punch

18

Republicans turned off by Obama, what’s new? This is a common theme these days, just listen to the five o’clock news! This college newspaper packed an added political punch with its sexually charged headliner that provoked laughs across the nation. Whether you like Obama’s package or not, we can’t help but laugh at this favorite hysterically funny headline blunder!

 

 

 

 

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